live Jim White+Handsome Family

I've spent a little time in Florida and a little time in Tennessee-that's the extent of my experience with the South. (Unless you count the Roots reruns that I've been catching lately on PBS around 2am.) After seeing Florida native Jim White and New Mexico transplants, The Handsome Family play Sunday night at The Ark in Ann Arbor, I have a new appreciation for all the ghosts and history that make up the South's swampy, sticky back story. All of these musicians play truly, I mean really, stripped down county. When I use the word country I'm not referring to "put another nickel in the jukebox and we'll do another Kansas City Shuffle", I mean "let's sing about abandoned trailers and killing your lover because it's only human."

Jim White's music is simple. Basic 3/4 or 4/4 country drum beats back his very simple guitar lines and chords often affected with tremolo and deep reverb. He sings his past really. White grew up in the Pentecostal community of Pensacola, Florida, worked as both a surfer and a model in Italy for a short time and then began writing music. In a 2000 interview White shed some light on his background and why his lyrics all come from the place he calls home.

Well you see, it's a deeper culture for those viewing it on the outside, but to the people participating in it, it's simply living. That's different. You don't notice the gems as much I think when you're caught up in the midst of it. You can't notice how pretty a river is... if you're 6 feet under the water drifting along. If you’re flying in an airplane over it and you look down, you say 'what a magnificent river.' Well I never got a chance to say 'what a magnificent river' until I left home and traveled all over the world and then, from a great distance, looked at my home and thought
"God what a beautiful place, let me go back there." And now that I'm back there, I appreciate it. But I don't know that the people who are here really think about it much.

His live performance was an equal mix of music and storytelling. While watching White on stage I couldn't help but think of the VH1 program storytellers how the rather intimate concert would have made a perfect episode. Between songs White would drift into stories ranging from where he was when he wrote the last song or why other folk musicians might look down on him for using a "Japanese orchestra" to loop guitar lines and vocals instead of using a full band. Whenever a story would make its way into a song, the room would take on the feel of an abandoned car on a dusty southern highway with the radio still on and the driver's door open. As I have seen few folk musicians play, White's performance was a rich experience, leaving me with a sense that I'd visited his home for a short walk down a path he knew well, walking along behind him with everyone else in the room.

Imagine any bar south of the Indiana border. Imagine then someone dropping some coins in the jukebox and a few bars of twangy guitar pouring into the room . . . and then a male voice sings, "This is why people OD on pills and jump from the Golden Gate Bridge. Anything to feel weightless again. Those poor, lost indians-when the white men found them, most died of TB; the rest went insane. In our motel room you're drinking Slice and gin, reading Moby Dick on the other bed." Imagine that and you're thinking of The Handsome Family. Husband and wife duo Brett and Rennie Sparks formed in Chicago and have been releasing some of the most basic yet deeply disturbing and comical country music since 1995. In honesty, there's really noting interesting about the music, it could be created rather easily with an old guitar and drum machine. Many of the songs do include a steel pedal guitar which when added to the live performance gave the room the feeling of old cabin with a kerosene lamp lightly burning.

The Handsome Family's talent shines in their lyrics, written mainly by Rennie, a former fiction writer. Most of the songs revolve around the common themes of death, murder, drug overdose, excessive drinking and dead animals. These off themes, when set to basic country western music create such a strange feeling that I couldn't help but stare at the musicians as they played and sang thinking, "they travel around the country singing this stuff and what the hell does their house look like?" I have a feeling I was not the only wondering these things. It's as though being drunk and evicted at the same time would be a perfect few hours spent prior to seeing The Handsome Family play live-and I guess that's why I enjoyed it as much as I did. Looking over the tops of ten or so beer bottles in a cold dark room in February next to some good company watching a grown man sing, "I had nothing to say on Christmas day when you threw all your clothes in the snow. When you burnt your hair, knocked over chairs, I just tried to stay out of your way. But when you fell asleep with blood on your teeth, I got in my car and drove away," was truly a good cap to a winter weekend. Yeah, their jokes got old and I could play songs just as well, but dog-gone-it, they're just such interesting people.

Music is often more about a musician's personality, history and a specific place, whether that place is where you fall in love or get sick on too much wine. The back story the concert told was well-worth the long drive and the $7.50.

I haven't posted any free samples because you should really buy music from these two truly original artists.

In These Times

Kurt Vonnegut's newest collection of essays, A Man Without a Country, published in September is also available through the In These Times magazine website. Vonnegut is also the Senior Editor of the magazine. His articles are a biting criticism of modern America and only traces of optimism are evident. Written by a man who has critically observed the past 60 years, he essays are engaging though worth a look. . .here's an excerpt.

Some of the loudest, most proudly ignorant guessing in the world is going on in Washington today. Our leaders are sick of all the solid information that has been dumped on humanity by research and scholarship and investigative reporting. They think that the whole country is sick of it, and they could be right. It isn’t the gold standard that they want to put us back on. They want something even more basic. They want to put us back on the snake-oil standard.
-Blues For America

A larger excerpt from the Sunday Herald.

The Knife

When a Swedish electronic group puts out a record with song titles such as High School Poem and Vegetarian Restaurant, you can bet they'll either be horrible or next week's soundtrack. The Knife will be my soundtrack.

As is the usual case here, thanks to better music blogs (gorillavsbear/saidthegramophone) than this floundering mess I've got one of the best free mp3s I found in a while. This Swedish group is making electronic that music touches a nerve a lot of other groups don't know exists. Imagine Xiu Xiu collaberating with Styrofoam to write songs people could dance to, then throw in some soft trance sounds and lulling swedish voice and that's The Knife.

Give Heartbeats a listen and see what I mean. A link to the Jose Gonzalez cover of the track is here.
Then head over to the Rabid Records site and check out a bunch of samples from other albums including the already sold out Silent Shout record.

Banksy

British grafitti artist Banksy has done some cool stuff.


I've also just discovered Coke machine glow. . .a not so pretentious Pitchfork.

Free Ted Leo + the Pharmacists

I realize they have been releasing material since 1999 and I'm just now discovering them. Yeah, that's pretty sad. They're pretty great though. There able to mix a rough punk sound with some great melody.



Pitchfork's Robert Mitchum had this to say regarding the band's 2003 Hearts of Oak album. . .
"Eschewing pretentious unpretentiousness for unguarded passion, strict '77-'82 influences for the classic rock stop on the FM dial, calculated instrumental inadequacy for guitar solos that are less technical flaunting (looking at you, Malkmus) than skillful, noisy exorcisms, Ted Leo makes a sound filled with so much authentic abandon that the British mags probably can't handle it."

check out a bunch of free mp3s here and and the current tour stops here.

Live

American Analog Set

I've stumbled across Bradley's Almanac and his great collection of live mp3s. He records everything right in the crowd with a Sony minidisc recorder-he even takes some pretty nice pictures.

I highly reccomend the Explosions in the Sky set and the American Analog Set set.
click on the names to go right to the download page.

Each set is only available for short time though. . .

No mowers

Read this Fast Company article describing why a CEO told Wal-Mart not to sell his products.

The man who said no to Wal-Mart.

Like music. . .?

checkout the great concert poster selection at The Poster List.
real cheap too.

The wait begins

The Appleseed Cast (myspace page) is set to release their newest album in March, but thanks to I Guess I'm Floating we've got a preview and it sounds great. Head over to the blog to hear two new tracks as well as an amazing array of free indie mp3s. .

Also, you've got to watch the preview for this new documentary by Eugene Jarecki title Why We Fight.
It's scheduled for relase tomorrow likely in NY and LA.
It looks incredible.
Read the interview with the film maker on the offical website as well-very insightful.

1.16.2006

click here in honor of the day . . .

remember segregation

Koppel and little else

"I have been an unabashed fan of NPR for many years and have stolen untold excellent ideas from its programming. It's time to give something back."

So he's a thief.

This came from the mouth of Ted Koppel when asked about his decision to join NPR in June as a senior news analyst. I think Neal Conan and Mr. Koppel should have a bare knuckle boxing match in NPR fleece vests with the winner recieving the host spot on Talk of the Nation. . .

Aside from realizing through a friend that the 70s rock group CAN was a decade or two ahead of everyone else, I'd don't have much else.

Check out all the new links (that's where I steal all my ideas).

Watch this

Bill O'Reilley appeared on David Letterman recently and well. . .it was not pretty.

watch it here in Windows media.
watch it here in Real player.




oh, and read the real post for today below.

Not indie. . .but pretty damn good

Although We Are Scientists newest release Love and Squalor has been available overseas for months now, it's U.S. release yesterday caught the attention of not just this blogger, but most of the music blog community.
Love and Squalor is sure one of the next "it" albums with its almost perfect straddling of the line between furiously catchy pop-punk and that wildly popular greasy hair garage band sound. And even though the album is a Virgin release and the band has appeared on Letterman, it's indie rock. While comparisons to The Strokes and The Killers will inevitably be made over the coming months as "everybody else" becomes aware of the New York-based threesome, We are Scientists have something unique. (Or it could just be bassist Chris Cain's really thin moustache.)
While listening to the Inaction mp3 for close to a week now, thanks to gorillavsbear, the high octave guitar lines and Beatlesesque backing vocals on the chorus had me wondering what else these guys might have already released. It seems the two EPs which the band has released are still import only from the UK and one is available from iTunes.
Upon a full listen of the record, Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt will likely be the U.S. favorite, but certainly not the best track. The chours here beomes a little repetitive, fortunatly the music keep the song interesting. Can't Lose, the record's fifth track, begins with a poppy bouncing bass and drum mix as lead singer Keith Murray sings, "The party's alright, I might wanna stop drinking, what we're we talking about?" It's one of those songs, as most of the albums tracks are, one can find themself singing along with by the time the third or fourth chorus comes around. . . on first listen. That classic disco loose off-beat high hat snare combo is smattered all over the record and specifically The Great Escape and Worth the Wait. Both tracks immeditatly draw comparisons to the genres already-famous bands, We Are Scientists never lets that sound carry the song thugh, but instead refreshes the sound at the chorus with bigger guitars and drawn out singing.
While a lot can be said for the ultra-catchy hooks on the this records and the fact that almost everytrack could potentially be a favorite, We Are Scientists are not the next greatest thing in indie rock. Love and Squalor is great record with twelve well-written songs-and that's a perfect answer for a rainy January.

Read the Pitchfork review here.
listen and watch videos here.

Let it be known

Mylo will be big.

If you haven't heard of him or heard his tunes, let it be known that you read it here first. Mylo is creating what is some of the best electronic music available.
Check out a great review and some samples here and check Silverwagon again for more on this Scottish electronic pioneer.

Good for a Friday

I found this link on largeheartedboy, which you really should check out, and it seems an adequate post for a Friday at 1 p.m. in the almost middle of winter.

you were expecting an ipod, oh well how about some pink, raw-ass meat instead?

The emotions, I imagine, a 14-year-old girl would be going through upon finding meat when expecting an ipod.

1. Anger
2. Confusion
3. Lack of appetite
4. Confusion (due to odor)
5. Sadness
6. Denial
7. Compelling desire to contact local news and show them the meat.

No one else

I've been checking out a lot of year-end "best of" lists. Many of them overlap which is proof of the music's quality. Bands such as Deerhoof, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Bloc Party and Wolf Parade have all been written up and read up over the past three weeks-and they're great groups. You've probably already checked out many of those lists yourself and heard much of the music, so I've got a reccomendation that I have not found on anyone's "best of 2005" list.
Hird is the name the Swedish Christoffer Berg has given to his musical creation. On his 2005 debut release Moving On, the 22-year-old Berg is the mastermind behind every sound on the disc. Not only is the record the first full lenght release for Hird, it's the first album distributed DMN Dealers of Nordic Music. For only having released a few albums so far the site is a great introduction to the Scandinavian electronic scene.
The word nu-jazz appears all over the place in descriptions of Berg's nordic electronic creations. And really that's what you'll hear. While many of the tracks have a club feel to them, you won't find anything near a house anthem here. Jazz is hiding behind every syncopated note here and the female vocals suggest a deep appreciation for Ella Fitzgerald. Nine tracks of silky traveling chillout with a souful jazz backdrop is what you'll enjoy on first listen. On repeated plays the layers will peel themselves back revealing what is just really good mid-tempo electronic jazz. Every cut is outlined with a mellow yet soulful organ creating a warm nest for the deep bass high hat combos. Even though the vocals come across at first listen as repetitive, it's as though they are more part of the music than actually words. The words here continue, they travel, they don't merely repeat.
The album's jewel, Moving On, is the perfect soundtrack to a early winter drive through Sweden, I'd imagine, or an October run along a Michigan coast. Christoffer Berg has made a truly pleasing electronic album and certainly will again.

Check out Hird samples and many of the other DNM artists at the DNM Loft.

Discovery

I'm making a prediction that the Swedish born Jose Gonzalez will be the Sam Beam of 2006. This is not to say that he is in any way duplicating a sound, far from that actually, but the ultra-melodic and graceful sounds of this guitarist and singer will certianly be heard more and more in the coming year.
This is the cover his next single available in January. I learned from gorillavsbear.net that the picutre is from a Sony commercial in which the song is featured. The dots are some of the 250,00 superballs that were dropped in SanFrancisco for the ad.

Check out the video for the remix of Send Someone Away with Embee (Looptroop).
Listen to Heartbeats by Gonzalez, thanks to gorillavsbear.net
Hey, I'm still learning. . .

Happy New Year.

Silver Wagon is back.

The blog is back kicking like a mule on espresso and smelling like a department store after a busy day of shopping.

These two men have just broken open one of those little gas station ATMs with a crow bar and a blow torch and are now hiding behind this building waiting to carjack the first Buick LeSarbre that comes by.

They had time to pose for this shot. . .but not much time, as you can tell by all the squinting.

The best election day advice

Check out this advice from professional blogger and true academic Josh Marshall. He's got some real tips on how to keep your head from spinning as the results begin to come in.

From Josh Marshall's blog Talking Points Memo:

(November 02, 2004 -- 11:05 AM EST // link // print)

Before we get started today, a quick election day survival guide.

First, the final polls are trending to Kerry. I'm not just speaking about the public polls, but the private ones -- specifically the Republican ones. Does that mean Kerry will win? No, not necessarily. It's too close for that. But the Bush campaign has a lot of incentives to try to get this one into overtime. And we'll see various bogus stories and funny-business throughout the course of the day.

To start with, for instance, don't rely on right-wing agit-prop sites for your news about alleged instances of 'voter fraud'. Wait till you hear real information from real news outlets.

The GOP is going to be pulling this stuff through the course of the day trying either to use it to ramp up their suppression activities or lay the groundwork for challenges to what some are starting to fear won't be good results. (For more on how that works, see Josh Green's always invaluable expose of the Rove election shenanigans playbook.

Second, exit polls.

Exits come out in a several batches over the course of the day. Democrats, on average, tend to vote later in the day than Republicans. Not always, but that's the pattern, for fairly straightforward demographic reasons. And for that reason their exit poll numbers tend to get better over the course of the day. That was strikingly so in 2000. So if you see less than perfect numbers plastered around in the early afternoon, don't let that rattle you.

As we've been saying, this is all about the ground game. So get out there and vote and do the GOTV work for whomever it is you're supporting, and don't get flustered by any through-the-course-of-the-day mind games.

-- Josh Marshall

And as he always says-Democracy starts at home.

Stewart goes off

On October 15, 2004 John Stewart, host of Comedy Central's The Daily Show appeared on CNN's Crossfire and really let his opinions loose on the quality of the program and it's failure to provide the public with the service it claims to.

Check out the transcript below, it's interesting. . .

And a quick note, from the bio page on Tucker Carlson, his educational background is described as follows: "Carlson attended Trinity College in Connecticut."

Paul Begala's reads: "A native of Texas, Begala earned his undergraduate and law degrees from the University of Texas, where he taught before his work at the White House. After leaving the Clinton administration, Begala joined Georgetown University's staff as a research professor of government and public policy."

hmmm. read on.


BEGALA: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE.

As both of our loyal viewers, of course, know, our show is about all left vs. white, black vs. white, paper vs. plastic, Red Sox against the Yankees. That's why every day, we have two guests with their own unique perspective on the news. But today, CROSSFIRE is very difficult. We have just one guest.

He's either the funniest smart guy on TV or the smartest funnyman. We'll find out which in a minute. But he's certainly an Emmy Award winner, the host of Comedy Central's "Daily Show" and the co-author of the new mega best-seller "America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction," at your bookstores everywhere.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the CROSSFIRE Jon Stewart.

STEWART: Thank you.

CARLSON: Thank you for joining us.

STEWART: Thank you very much. That was very kind of you to say.

Can I say something very quickly? Why do we have to fight?

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: The two of you? Can't we just -- say something nice about John Kerry right now.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: I like John. I care about John Kerry.

STEWART: And something about President Bush.

BEGALA: He'll be unemployed soon?

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: I failed the test. I'm sorry.

CARLSON: See, I made the effort anyway.

BEGALA: No, actually, I knew Bush in Texas a little bit. And the truth is, he's actually a great guy. He's not a very good president. But he's actually a very good person. I don't think you should have to hate to oppose somebody, but it makes it easier.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: Why do you argue, the two of you?

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: I hate to see it.

CARLSON: We enjoy it.

STEWART: Let me ask you a question.

CARLSON: Well, let me ask you a question first.

STEWART: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Is John Kerry -- is John Kerry really the best? I mean, John Kerry has...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: Is he the best? I thought Lincoln was good.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Is he the best the Democrats can do?

STEWART: Is he the best the Democrats can do?

CARLSON: Yes, this year of the whole field.

STEWART: I had always thought, in a democracy -- and, again, I don't know -- I've only lived in this country -- that there's a process. They call them primaries.

CARLSON: Right.

STEWART: And they don't always go with the best, but they go with whoever won. So is he the best? According to the process.

CARLSON: Right. But of the nine guys running, who do you think was best. Do you think he was the best, the most impressive?

STEWART: The most impressive?

CARLSON: Yes.

STEWART: I thought Al Sharpton was very impressive.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: I enjoyed his way of speaking.

I think, oftentimes, the person that knows they can't win is allowed to speak the most freely, because, otherwise, shows with titles, such as CROSSFIRE.

BEGALA: CROSSFIRE.

STEWART: Or "HARDBALL" or "I'm Going to Kick Your Ass" or...

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: Will jump on it.

In many ways, it's funny. And I made a special effort to come on the show today, because I have privately, amongst my friends and also in occasional newspapers and television shows, mentioned this show as being bad.

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: We have noticed.

STEWART: And I wanted to -- I felt that that wasn't fair and I should come here and tell you that I don't -- it's not so much that it's bad, as it's hurting America.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: But in its defense...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: So I wanted to come here today and say...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys.

CARLSON: Yes.

STEWART: Stop.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America.

BEGALA: OK. Now

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: And come work for us, because we, as the people...

CARLSON: How do you pay?

STEWART: The people -- not well.

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: Better than CNN, I'm sure.

STEWART: But you can sleep at night.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns.

BEGALA: By beating up on them? You just said we're too rough on them when they make mistakes.

STEWART: No, no, no, you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Wait, Jon, let me tell you something valuable that I think we do that I'd like to see you...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: Something valuable?

CARLSON: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: I would like to hear it.

CARLSON: And I'll tell you.

When politicians come on...

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: It's nice to get them to try and answer the question. And in order to do that, we try and ask them pointed questions. I want to contrast our questions with some questions you asked John Kerry recently.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: ... up on the screen.

STEWART: If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: No, no, no, here's the point.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: If that's your goal.

CARLSON: It's not.

STEWART: I wouldn't aim for us. I'd aim for "Seinfeld." That's a very good show.

CARLSON: Kerry won't come on this show. He will come on your show.

STEWART: Right.

CARLSON: Let me suggest why he wants to come on your show.

STEWART: Well, we have civilized discourse.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Well, here's an example of the civilized discourse.

Here are three of the questions you asked John Kerry.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: You have a chance to interview the Democratic nominee. You asked him questions such as -- quote -- "How are you holding up? Is it hard not to take the attacks personally?"

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: "Have you ever flip-flopped?" et cetera, et cetera.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: Didn't you feel like -- you got the chance to interview the guy. Why not ask him a real question, instead of just suck up to him?

STEWART: Yes. "How are you holding up?" is a real suck-up. And I actually giving him a hot stone massage as we were doing it.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: It sounded that way. It did.

STEWART: You know, it's interesting to hear you talk about my responsibility.

CARLSON: I felt the sparks between you.

STEWART: I didn't realize that -- and maybe this explains quite a bit.

CARLSON: No, the opportunity to...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: ... is that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: So what I would suggest is, when you talk about you're holding politicians' feet to fire, I think that's disingenuous. I think you're...

CARLSON: "How are you holding up?" I mean, come on.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: No, no, no. But my role isn't, I don't think...

CARLSON: But you can ask him a real question, don't you think, instead of saying...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: I don't think I have to. By the way, I also asked him, "Were you in Cambodia?" But I didn't really care.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: Because I don't care, because I think it's stupid.

CARLSON: I can tell.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: But my point is this. If your idea of confronting me is that I don't ask hard-hitting enough news questions, we're in bad shape, fellows. (LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: We're here to love you, not confront you.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: We're here to be nice.

STEWART: No, no, no, but what I'm saying is this. I'm not. I'm here to confront you, because we need help from the media and they're hurting us. And it's -- the idea is...

(APPLAUSE)

(CROSSTALK)

BEGALA: Let me get this straight. If the indictment is -- if the indictment is -- and I have seen you say this -- that...

STEWART: Yes.

BEGALA: And that CROSSFIRE reduces everything, as I said in the intro, to left, right, black, white.

STEWART: Yes.

BEGALA: Well, it's because, see, we're a debate show.

STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great.

BEGALA: It's like saying The Weather Channel reduces everything to a storm front.

STEWART: I would love to see a debate show.

BEGALA: We're 30 minutes in a 24-hour day where we have each side on, as best we can get them, and have them fight it out.

STEWART: No, no, no, no, that would be great. To do a debate would be great. But that's like saying pro wrestling is a show about athletic competition.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Jon, Jon, Jon, I'm sorry. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: Let me ask you a question on the news.

STEWART: Now, this is theater. It's obvious. How old are you?

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: Thirty-five. STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

CARLSON: Yes, I do. I do.

STEWART: So this is...

CARLSON: I know. I know. I know. You're a...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: So this is theater.

CARLSON: Now, let me just...

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: Now, come on.

STEWART: Now, listen, I'm not suggesting that you're not a smart guy, because those are not easy to tie.

CARLSON: They're difficult.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great.

BEGALA: We do, do...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.

CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?

STEWART: Absolutely.

CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: What is wrong with you?

(APPLAUSE) CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.

STEWART: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far -- you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

STEWART: You need to go to one.

The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...

CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.

STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: Go ahead. Go ahead.

STEWART: I watch your show every day. And it kills me.

CARLSON: I can tell you love it.

STEWART: It's so -- oh, it's so painful to watch.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: You know, because we need what you do. This is such a great opportunity you have here to actually get politicians off of their marketing and strategy.

CARLSON: Is this really Jon Stewart? What is this, anyway?

STEWART: Yes, it's someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: I just can't.

CARLSON: What's it like to have dinner with you? It must be excruciating. Do you like lecture people like this or do you come over to their house and sit and lecture them; they're not doing the right thing, that they're missing their opportunities, evading their responsibilities? STEWART: If I think they are.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: I wouldn't want to eat with you, man. That's horrible.

STEWART: I know. And you won't. But the thing I want to get to...

BEGALA: We did promise naked pictures of the Supreme Court justices.

CARLSON: Yes, we did. Let's get to those.

(CROSSTALK)

BEGALA: They're in this book, which is a very funny book.

STEWART: Why can't we just talk -- please, I beg of you guys, please.

CARLSON: I think you watch too much CROSSFIRE.

We're going to take a quick break.

STEWART: No, no, no, please.

CARLSON: No, no, hold on. We've got commercials.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: Please. Please stop.

CARLSON: Next, Jon Stewart in the "Rapid Fire."

STEWART: Please stop.

CARLSON: Hopefully, he'll be here, we hope, we think.

(APPLAUSE)

CARLSON: And then, did U.S. soldiers refuse an order in Iraq. Wolf Blitzer has the latest on this investigation right after the break.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WOLF BLITZER, CNN ANCHOR: I'm Wolf Blitzer in Washington.

Coming up at the top of the hour, the Pentagon investigator a report that U.S. soldiers refused to go on a dangerous mission in Iraq. We'll have details. In medical news, the FDA prescribes a strongly worded label on antidepressant drugs. And why some experts think the flu vaccine shortage is a grim warning about U.S. vulnerability to bioterrorism.

All those stories, much more, only minutes away on "WOLF BLITZER REPORTS."

Now back to CROSSFIRE.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

CARLSON: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE.

We're talking to Jon Stewart, who was just lecturing us on our moral inferiority.

Jon, you're bumming us out. Tell us, what do you think about the Bill O'Reilly vibrator story?

STEWART: I'm sorry. I don't.

CARLSON: Oh, OK.

STEWART: What do you think?

BEGALA: Let me change the subject.

STEWART: Where's your moral outrage on this?

CARLSON: I don't have any.

STEWART: I know.

BEGALA: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material?

STEWART: I'm sorry?

BEGALA: Which candidate do you suppose would provide you better material if he won?

STEWART: Mr. T. I think he'd be the funniest. I don't...

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: Don't you have a stake in it that way, as not just a citizen, but as a professional comic?

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: Right, which I hold to be much more important than as a citizen.

BEGALA: Well, there you go.

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: But who would you provide you better material, do you suppose?

STEWART: I don't really know. That's kind of not how we look at it. We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all, you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it's been helpful.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: But, if Kerry gets elected, is it going to -- you have said you're voting for him. You obviously support him. It's clear. Will it be harder for you to mock his administration if he becomes president?

STEWART: No. Why would it be harder?

CARLSON: Because you support...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: The only way it would be harder is if his administration is less absurd than this one. So, in that case, if it's less absurd, then, yes, I think it would be harder.

But, I mean, it would be hard to top this group, quite frankly.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

STEWART: In terms of absurdity and their world matching up to the one that -- you know, it was interesting. President Bush was saying, John Kerry's rhetoric doesn't match his record.

But I've heard President Bush describe his record. His record doesn't match his record.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: So I don't worry about it in that respect.

But let me ask you guys, again, a question, because we talked a little bit about, you're actually doing honest debate and all that. But, after the debates, where do you guys head to right afterwards?

CARLSON: The men's room.

STEWART: Right after that?

BEGALA: Home.

STEWART: Spin alley.

BEGALA: Home.

STEWART: No, spin alley.

BEGALA: What are you talking about? You mean at these debates?

STEWART: Yes. You go to spin alley, the place called spin alley. Now, don't you think that, for people watching at home, that's kind of a drag, that you're literally walking to a place called deception lane?

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: Like, it's spin alley. It's -- don't you see, that's the issue I'm trying to talk to you guys...

BEGALA: No, I actually believe -- I have a lot of friends who work for President Bush. I went to college with some of them.

CARLSON: Neither of us was ever in the spin room, actually.

(BELL RINGING)

BEGALA: No, I did -- I went to do the Larry King show.

They actually believe what they're saying. They want to persuade you. That's what they're trying to do by spinning. But I don't doubt for a minute these people who work for President Bush, who I disagree with on everything, they believe that stuff, Jon. This is not a lie or a deception at all. They believe in him, just like I believe in my guy.

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: I think they believe President Bush would do a better job.

And I believe the Kerry guys believe President Kerry would do a better job. But what I believe is, they're not making honest arguments. So what they're doing is, in their mind, the ends justify the means.

(CROSSTALK)

BEGALA: I don't think so at all.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.

(CROSSTALK)

CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Now, you're getting into it. I like that.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: OK. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BEGALA: Welcome back to CROSSFIRE. We are joined by Comedy Central's Jon Stewart, host of "The Daily Show" and author of No. 1 bestseller, "America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction."

CARLSON: And a ton of fun, I like that too.

BEGALA: Some questions from our audience. Yes sir, what's your name, what's your name?

QUESTION: Hi, my name's David. I'm from Boston.

STEWART: Hi, David.

QUESTION: My question is, what do you think the hump on G.W.'s back during the debate was?

STEWART: Say it again?

QUESTION: What do you think the hump on George's back during the debate was?

STEWART: The hump on his back?

BEGALA: Oh, you're familiar? This is (INAUDIBLE) conspiracy theory. Can I take this one?

STEWART: Yes, please.

BEGALA: It was nothing, his suit was puckering. A lot of people believe he had one of these in his ear. If he was being fed lines by Karl Rove, he would not have been so inarticulate, guys. It's a myth.

(LAUGHTER)

BEGALA: It's not true. There's this huge myth out on the left.

(CROSSTALK)

BEGALA: Yes, ma'am.

QUESTION: Renee (ph) from Texas. Why do you think it's hard or difficult or impossible for politicians to answer a straight, simple question?

STEWART: I don't think it's hard. I just think that nobody holds their feet to the fire to do it. So they don't have to. They get to come on shows that don't...

BEGALA: They're too easy on them.

CARLSON: Yes. Ask them how you hold...

STEWART: Not easy on them...

(CROSSTALK)

BEGALA: ... saying we were too hard on people and too (INAUDIBLE).

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: I think you're - yes.

CARLSON: All right. Jon Stewart, come back soon.

BEGALA: Jon Stewart, good of you to join us. Thank you very much. The book is "America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction."

From the left I am Paul Begala, that's it for CROSSFIRE.

CARLSON: And from the right I'm Tucker Carlson, have a great weekend. See you Monday.